How to Speak to Children

Children are perceptive.

There is a vast difference between communicating with respect and treating the child like an idiot. Even "idiots" deserve to be treated with respect (just ask Maria Montessori). They are all perceptive.

I witnessed the way two different people talked to my three-and-a-half year old daughter this week. The first was a brilliant experience. The adult in question greeted her and told her name. Then she asked my daughter's name by bending over really far and speaking directly to her. She asked a few other questions to get the conversation going such as, "How old are you?" and "What is your favorite color?" Then we began our meeting, which was all about her.

When the adult wanted her to pay attention, she said, "Watch" and then pointed to where she wanted her eyes. She made good eye contact. She did everything deliberately and slowly to make sure she understood, since this was her first time there. The adult showed her first, then let her try. Even when she messed up, the adult waited until she was finished, then said, "Watch" and showed her again. We had all the time in the world.

The second adult in question never introduced herself. She asked me what my daughter's name is and I turned to my daughter and asked her to tell the woman her name. She hid behind my leg. The adult shouted directions and became louder and more frustrated and shouted faster as my daughter became confused. This adult had no concept of processing speed. I tried to slow it down and reassure her that she was doing the right thing, but it was a frustrating experience.

Kids know when you aren't acting from a place of love. "Of all things love is the most potent," said Maria Montessori in The Absorbent Mind. It was clear that the first adult loves children. She showed an incredible respect for my daughter's process of learning. The second adult was trying to get the job done as fast as possible without regard to the child. Both adults had the opportunity to teach something and help my daughter build confidence in herself.

Luckily, I was able to witness both of these situations and I have the opportunity to choose the first adult as someone who will interact with my daughter regularly. I am thrilled that there is an adult who will treat her with patience and respect and above all, act from a place of love.